And now for an exciting round of...

Are You Smarter Than Someone Who Just
Spent Their Weekend at a Birthing Class?

Try to guess the meaning of the following pregnancy and birthing terms. If you can answer them all correctly then let me be the first to say that I am truly, deeply sorry.

1. Breech

A. The hole in your wallet through which cash is sucked out to buy ridiculous amounts of baby stuff (see aforementioned cartoon).

B. The nerdy character on television's "Saved By the Bell" who went on to write the quintessential guide to natural labor and delivery If It Ain't Breech, Don't Try to Section It.

C. A type of unpasteurized, French cheese that all pregnant women crave but which is strictly forbidden to them.

D. Instead of its head, your baby's feet are positioned to come down the birth canal first. Time for birth plan B!

2. Birth Ball

A. The position a baby takes just before rolling down the birth canal and into your life.

B. An elaborate party thrown for your baby just after conception.

C. A large, inflatable rubber ball used to strengthen muscles for labor.

D. A dangerous, full contact sport akin to rugby played by expectant Australian women.

3. Kegel

A. A contemporary of the German philosopher Hegel who concerned himself primarily with the neonatal dialectic.

B. An exercise designed to strengthen the muscles involved in birthing.

C. The hippest baby toy since Tickle-Me-Elmo.

D. From the same marketing geniuses who brought you the candy cigarette, a tiny keg filled with liquid sugar that prepares toddlers for their college years.

4. Primigravida

A. The less successful follow up album to Iron Butterfly's classic In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida whose towering guitar rifts mimic the sounds babies hear in utero.

B. The pasta dish overwhelmingly preferred by most post partum mothers.

C. Latin for: "Your husband is an ignorant and insensitive caveman".

D. A mother pregnant with her first child.

5. Doula

A. A woman that can be hired to help a woman through labor in case her husband is a total wimp who can't hack it.

B. Tony Soprano's new hired gun whose wife happens to be primigravida.

C. The spiced sausage overwhelmingly preferred by most post partum mothers.

D. Something you find in your baby's diaper.

6. Fundus

A. A bay in northeastern Canada known for its extreme high and low tides.

B. Basically what you are asking people to do by having a baby shower.

C. A type of Fromunda cheese found between a newborn's buttocks.

D. The top of the uterus (who knew?).

7. Bag of Waters

A. A new novel by Frank McCourt about a young Irish lad named Bag and his incredible journey from the village of Waters to a better life in New York City.

B. What you should bring to your child's first soccer game.

C. A less technical name for amniotic fluid - the liquid the baby spends most of its time in until he or she is born.

D. The electrolyte replacement drink overwhelmingly preferred by most post partum mothers.

8. Nesting

A. A chilling instinct that turns otherwise normal expectant mothers into single minded purchasing zombies bent on redecorating your entire home to accommodate a baby who would be happy in an old sock drawer.

B. A dark period in your life when you spent a lot of time at Macy's Home Store, Linen's and Things, and Bed, Bath, and Beyond.

C. See aforementioned cartoon.

D. All of the Above.